7 “Notes to Self” that Will Stop You from Taking Things Personally

Let’s start off with a simple question:

Why do we always take things so personally?

We have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling hurt when other people are rude, to feeling sorry for ourselves when things don’t go exactly as planned, to doubting ourselves when we aren’t perfect. Let’s consider a few everyday examples…

Now, let’s assume for a moment that a person’s actions actually do seem to relate to us directly — we inadvertently did something that annoyed them, and now they’re reacting very rudely to us. A situation like this might seem personal, but is it really? Is the magnitude of this person’s rude reaction all about us and the one thing we did to trigger them? No, probably not. It’s mostly just a statement about this person’s reactions, snap-judgments, long-term anger issues, and expectations of the universe. Again, we’re just a smaller piece of a much larger story.

And likewise, when someone else rejects us, ignores us, doesn’t call us when they said they would, doesn’t show they care, or flat out disrespects us… these reactions have much less to do with us than they have to do with the other person’s history of personal issues. We can learn to silently respect them and their pain without taking their words to heart.

But, again, because we see everything through a lens of how it personally relates to us and ONLY us—a lens that does a poor job of seeing the bigger picture — we tend to react to everyone else’s actions and words as if they are a personal judgment or attack. Thus, other people’s anger makes us angry. Other people’s lack of respect makes us feel unworthy. Other people’s unhappiness makes us unhappy. And so it goes.

If you’re nodding your head to any of this, it’s time to start gracefully deflecting the senseless negativity around you. When you sense negativity coming at you, give it a small push back with a thought like, “That remark (or gesture, or whatever) is not really about me, it’s about you (or the world at large).” Remember that all people have emotional issues they’re dealing with (just like you), and it makes them rude, rambunctious, and downright thoughtless sometimes. They are doing the best they can, or they’re not even aware of their issues. In any case, you can learn not to interpret their behaviors as personal attacks, and instead see them as non-personal encounters (like a dog barking in the distance, or a bumblebee buzzing by) that you can either respond to gracefully, or not respond to at all.

But, of course, this doesn’t come naturally — NOT taking things personally is an ongoing daily practice…

“Notes to Self” for NOT Taking Things Personally

Like you, I’m only human and I still take things way too personally sometimes when I’m in the heat of the moment. So, I’ve implemented a simple strategy to support the practice of watching my response. In a nutshell, I proactively remind myself NOT to take things personally. Anytime I catch myself doing so, I pause and read the “notes to self” displayed below to myself. Then, I take some fresh deep breaths…

If you’d like to practice along with me, I recommend stealing my notes, tweaking them as you see fit, storing them in an easily accessible location, and then reading and re-reading them whenever you catch yourself taking things personally. (Note: For the sake of not being tediously redundant, I only wrote “Note to Self” as a precursor on the first note below.)

First Note to Self..!

Second Note to Self…!

Third Note to Self…!

Forth Note to Self…!

Fifth Note to Self…!

Sixth Note to Self…!

Seventh Note to Self…!

You are a HERO! But now it’s time to be the hero of your future. Enough is enough! And obviously, this is just one short blog post that doesn’t cover every possible scenario.

Your turn…

If you’re feeling up to it, would love to hear from YOU.

Which reminder — or “note to self” — mentioned above resonates with you the most today, and why?

–Manasa Kulkarni 🙂